My Hope

I have a few friends who have faced or are facing major challenges. I started to think there was some sort of biblical scourge! They are nice, strong, smart, beautiful women who in spite of being afraid have squared their shoulders and faced head on some pretty gnarly stuff.  Cancer, the death of a mother, the death of a marriage, saying goodbye to a future they thought was theirs.  They have not shied away from the pain or suffering, they go through it.  None of them pretended it wasn't happening, or acted like it wasn't as monumental as it was or is.  They are brave!

Hope is only a four letter word, but what a huge word!  Clung to like a lifesaver or flashing beam of light from a light house near some far away harbor.  Hope keeps us going.  Sometimes hard to come by, and frantically held onto by fingernails when it seemed to be slipping away.  It gave my friends the strength they needed.  Where does it come from?  There are times we have to spoon feed it to each other reminding one who's in the fray that things will get better.  My sister Laurie sent me a card when I was really struggling to keep hope alive with an excellent quote, "You can only go halfway into the darkest forest, then you are coming out the other side." A Chinese Proverb.  They have come out the other side and in the sometimes painful metamorphosis have emerged stronger, wiser, calmer, and most importantly with a warm and open heart.  Not fearful, cold and hardened from battle, on the contrary, more open and loving with a willingness to go out and embrace life. Although each woman has had to face her own challenges, and I do not mean to take anything away from how hard that was by saying, they knew they were not alone.  They each knew that there were friends or family there to remind them that they were okay.  People to know for them that things would be okay even when they couldn't know it for themselves.  

I cannot fathom how desperate or exhausting it would be to feel alone and without that support.  I hope that there is some sort of collective unconscious where hope lives.  A way that if we all keep a hold of hope for the world and hope for humanity it can be pulled from by others who are in the most need. The positive energy of the words spoken and thoughts behind them reaching out to comfort.  I don't just hope for this, I believe this to be true.  On the flip side, I am frightened that all the ugly thoughts and cynical statements go out there into some Pandora's Box just waiting to be opened by people looking for verification that the world is an awful place.  This makes me shudder.   

A quote from Goddess Guidance cards by Doreen Virtue shared with me by Melissa.

"Faith is the light that illuminates your pathway. Without faith, the future looks very frightening. That's why it's essential for you to take whatever steps are necessary to keep your mind and heart filled with faith. Please don't give up hope for yourself or other people. Keep the candle of faith burning within your soul, as that one small inkling of hope can eradicate the darkness of despair. Be the light that eliminates someone else's gloomy hopelessness as well. For as you make others stronger, it strengthens not only yourself but the entire world"

Simplicity

It's funny, I thought I had a lot more to say, but when you make writing a post a big deal it becomes intimidating. This is not productive.  Am I writing for me? does it really have to be life changing???  Isn't it all life changing?

I couldn't be happier with the turn my life is taking. I have been lucky enough to see that  you really are not alone.  What a gift!  When you are in need of support you actually see how many people are by your side to lift you up, surrounding you with a big bear hug of pure selfless love. It will blow you away and make you very humble.  It is hard to believe you deserve the outpouring of  love and support that comes your way.  You do (kind of?) and you don't deserve it at all, this is grace. Making less money?  Living more frugally, where your choices are more important and you  make do with quite a bit less!  Less is more, it is really true! I did not think of myself as acquisitive.  I have come to realize that  you can appreciate without owning, and owning actually brings more responsability and time draining maintenance.  More can require more, leaving you with less that is important to you!  Enjoying a park, bike ride, time with someone you admire, feed your soul, fill your heart, not your living space. So many things to be grateful for!

Sooooooooooooo.  Coming to terms with simplicity.  I talked to a Shaman practitioner who told me the message she kept getting for me was SIMPLIFY.  The words were cathartic and actually brought me to tears in a way I could not understand.  I thought I lived simply at that point. I was mistaken, I am learning what "simplify" means, and hope to continue learning.  The world is taking on an incredible color!  It all sounds so hokey, but challenging what you take for granted is the best thing that can happen to you.

The friends and family that Chris and I have surrounded us with love and the desire to help.  You think you feel best when you are in control and can help others (in control is a illusion by the way).  That feeling is amazing, but is nothing when you compare it to the feeling you have when you think there is no hope and are overwhelmed with friends and family who come out of the woodwork  to make sure you are okay.  They help you fix your basement after a flood, they fly miles to help you deal with the debris, they tell you all the time that you are worth while after losing a job, they listen to you day after day on the phone while you question "when will this end???"  They give up extra bedrooms so that you have an easier move, they hoist huge boxes on their shoulders to help make sure your new living space is a home, they send sandwiches because they know that funding a move even with pizza and beer could be a hardship when you have "been through it."  They are the "village" that it takes to make you feel hope.  I am so wealthy with love and care from others it is awe inspiring!

I continue to learn and embrace the flow.

My Sisters

My sisters are a window into love, support and calm,

They are strong yet humble and warm,

I am awestruck by their desire and will to be a difference.

I can only hope to be their shadow and reflection.

My sisters are my anchor.

It's a Start

Well, here I go...  I am blogging.  This is not an act of arrogance, for I am not all that sure anyone will be interested in what I have to say.  But there is something to writing things down and marking the passage of time.  I hope this new endeavor is fun and helps me to grow!